


The Great Kakashi Debate

by isabelontherun



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-26 01:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10776372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabelontherun/pseuds/isabelontherun
Summary: What's underneath Kakashi's mask?





	The Great Kakashi Debate

**Author's Note:**

> this was not meant 2 b remotely good
> 
> i love naruto and i can only write dialogue 
> 
> for meigan, bless her heart

“Why do you wear a mask, Kakashi-sensei?”

Kakashi waved away Naruto’s question with an ease that said he'd been asked that many times before. “That’s none of your concern.”

Team 7 sat around a fire in a clearing, the warmth of the flames lighting up their faces. They had only just finished training in the woods near the village an hour before, and with nothing to do but wait for morning, Naurto and his classmates gathered quietly to watch the stars before Kakashi sent them to bed.

“How is that none of my concern?” That rare quiet had been predictably broken by the demanding Naruto, and Sasuke put his face in his hands. This couldn't be the start of anything good. If there were two things Naruto was good at, it was Shadow Clone Jutsu and asking a fuck-ton of questions about desperately pointless things.

"Naruto, drop it." Sasuke put a hand on his stomach. "I just ate and if I have to hear your voice for one more second, I'll get sick."

"You're always exaggerating things-"

"Fun fact: the average person says about 16,000 words a day. I calculate you say... Twice that number."

Naruto blinked. "What-"

"Also, the average person has a vocabulary of 20,000 words, and I calculate you have half that, considering your favorite words are what, believe and it."

Sakura snickered at Naruto, but then Naruto joined her. "Maybe, but I'm not the person who took the time to work that out. That's just weird." Sasuke faltered. _Damn it._ Naruto grinned widely. " _Believe it._ " 

Kakashi coughed in a way that was suspicious of a laugh and Sasuke clenched his fists.

"ANYWAY," said he loudly, "I WONDER WHAT'S UNDER KAKASHI-SENSEI'S MASK!?"

Kakashi shot him a dark look. "You little shit."

Sasuke nodded his assent and settled back into his seat. Naruto was quick to jump back on track.

“Oh, right!" He pointed in Kakashi's face. "If my teacher is hiding something, I should be worried! What if you have sharp teeth like a shark?” Naruto raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously. He wouldn't put it past him, considering the fact that he was able to breathe underwater for like 3 episodes.

“Naruto, stop bothering Sensei!” Sakura slapped his shoulder and motioned at her teacher sitting opposite her. “Clearly it’s a secret he can’t tell you.”

The trees surrounding them swayed in the breeze. “Eh, it’s not that, really.” Kakashi adjusted his headband and pulled Make-out Paradise out of his pocket, the same paper-back copy he always kept. He flipped to a dog-eared page in the middle and crossed his feet in front of him.

“So, then you’ll tell us?”

Kakashi chuckled. “No.”

“Well! You can’t stop us from guessing!” Naruto shouted excitedly. Kakashi nodded absentmindedly and returned to his book. “He has to take it off, right?”

Sakura agreed, smoothing her shirt. “Yes, obviously, when he-” She stopped, stunned. “Wait. Have we never seen him eat? Never? How?” She examined the edges of mask along his nose and cheek. “Are we that oblivious or does he really never take the mask off?”

“It’s the first one,” said Kakashi.

“Were you born with that face mask?” asked Sakura. _His poor mother_ , she thought. Imagine, never being able to see your baby's face.

"I had a baby like that, I'd probably shove it back in."

Again, Sakura ignored Naruto. "You must have been forced into being a Shinobi. What other profession could you have?" She leaned towards him, heart swelling. "Do you even like your job?"

"Right now? No."

Naruto's hand shot up.

“And your hair! Has it always been that bad or do you do it like that on purpose?”

“No, I wasn’t born with the mask,” Kakashi glared and scooted away from Naruto on the log, “and that hair comment honestly felt a little uncalled for.”

“He has to take it off to eat and wash it, so it can’t be something that horrible, right? He looks pretty normal.” The Genin whipped around suddenly, staring into the trees. “Guys. Maybe he’s a puppet and the real voice is coming from somewhere else.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Maybe there’s nothing there.” Naruto and Sakura stopped to look at Sasuke, who remained in his signature brooding pose, looking at the ground. A sudden chill came through the air. “No light. No joy. There’s just a gaping, empty, endless black void where his mouth should be.

“That’s… pretty dark, Sasuke,” said Sakura. "Like, I know your childhood was fucked, but let's chill.

“You decide to join the conversation now and that’s what you bring?” Naruto groaned. "Thanks, Sasuke."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “From the boy who’s first thought is that Kakashi-sensei’s a shark.”

“Well...” Naruto paused. “That was pretty edgy, but you've gotta point. He could be demon.” He tugged on Kakashi’s sleeve. “If you were a demon, would you tell us?”

“Don’t touch me.”

“I bet he’s just insecure about something,” shrugged Sasuke, looking at his fingernails. "Not that I myself would ever know anything about that topic, considering I definitely don't have an inferiority complex."

"Yeah, me neither," said Naruto. "I'm not even 100% sure what that means, because I myself don't have a need for constant attention."

The silence was somewhat awkward. Kakashi winced.

“Maybe he has really bad breath,” said Sakura. “and he uses the mask to cover it up?”

“Why would he do that?” asked Sasuke, and looked at Naruto. “Didn’t you win a battle against someone by farting? He almost died.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. That wasn’t a bad move, was it?” He nudged Sasuke and laughed. “Was it?”

Sasuke smiled in spite of himself. “Well, Kiba basically self-destructed, so not for him, but I admit, a win is a win.”

“Maybe his bad breath is too powerful?” Sakura guessed. “It’s actually for our protection. That’s his unique Jutsu.”

“Nuh-uh,” said Naruto, “his Jutsu is the…” He trailed off. “Lightning knife arm bird thing..?”

“It’s called Chidori,” said Sasuke, rolling his eyes.

“That means Bird Hand.”

“That does not mean Bird Hand.”

“If it’s not bad breath,” sighed Naruto, “there’s something else wrong. What is it?”

“Oh!” Sakura gasped and turned towards Kakashi. He shot her an unreadable look in the firelight. Something had clicked, and suddenly everything made sense. “You have a really weird mouth and, like, gross teeth, don’t you? That’s why you read books like that.”

“What do you mean?” Naruto asked.

“He reads ‘Make-out Paradise’ because he can’t do it himself.”

“Fuck. Fuck!"

Team 7 jumped in unison.

"Congratulations! You wore me down!” Kakashi picked up the Genin closest to him (Naruto) and hoisted him over his shoulder despite his protests. “You two.” He pointed at Sasuke and Sakura. “Shut up. Get in the tent. Now.”

Sasuke begrudgingly stood up and dusted himself off. “It’s barely 10:30.”

“And I’m barely keeping myself from making you sleep on the ground, Uchiha.” He tossed Naruto under the cover of the shelter and on to the pile of sleeping bags. The others followed. “I’ve been listening to you debate over my face for long enough, and I’m tired.” Kakashi handed Sasuke a flashlight and pointed at the glow of the fire. “I’ll be over there. We are starting training tomorrow as usual, and I don’t want to hear a single word about this mask.”

“Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura asked, raising a trembling hand. “Are you mad at us?”

He looked down at her. “I’m not mad, Sakura… I’m just disappointed.”

The next twenty minutes was spent with Sakura pretending to fall asleep. The campfire ever-crackling and the smell of smoke in the distance reminded her both of her need to sleep and the reason she couldn't. Sasuke and Naruto laid to one side of the tent, it’s fabric held up by the large tree above them. Grass tickled her neck.

Sakura laid by the other wall, letting her questions consume her until finally she couldn’t resist.

“Do you guys think Kakashi-sensei is hot?”

Naruto sat bolt upright. “I was thinking the exact same thing!” Sakura shushed him. “Oh, sorry.” She shuffled her sleeping bag closer.

“I’m not sure what to think anymore, because I always assumed he was, but then I thought a little harder. How much of him can we actually see?”

“One eye, I guess? His wrists and fingers?”

“Exactly.” Sakura could only make out Naruto’s faint outline, but she nodded in that direction. Finally, some confirmation. (For a long time she had been trying find away to voice her confusion to the boys, but it wasn't exactly an easy subject to approach when they were around Sensei himself.) “How is it possible to think he’s hot just from that?”

Sasuke sat up with a groan. The flashlight clicked on and Sasuke looked at his classmates. The two stared back. They hadn’t expected an input from him. Sasuke was usually removed from their conversations, spare the occasional break, but now he was leaning forward, interested. The other two also leaned closer instinctively.

“Do you guys want to know how it works?”

“What? How what works?”

“Being hot.”

Naruto squinted at him. “How would you know?”

“Shut up.” Sakura took the flashlight from Sasuke and handed it to Naruto. Naruto scowled but held it faithfully, looking at the other boy.

“To explain it simply,” said Sasuke, “pretend there’s a graph for every person. There’s an X and Y axis.” Sakura and Naruto watched his slender fingers as he drew in the air. “On the X, there’s physical attractiveness, and on the Y, there’s aura.”

“What’s aura?”

“Aura is…” Sasuke shrugged. “Basically its chakra that makes you tappable.”

“Ohhh.” Naruto nodded. “So how is that about Kakashi-sensei?”

“On the Y axis, Kakashi performs well, but we have no physical evidence of his ability to back that up.”

“Sasuke, that’s amazing!” Sakura tugged on a strand of her hair and grinned. “One slip of his mask and the mystery is solved!” Her smile soon faded, however, and a look of worry replaced it. “Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment?”

“Remember, there’s always a risk involved, Sakura.” Sasuke ran his fingers through his silk-smooth black hair and gazed at her. “Some people have it.”

He paused, and then he turned to Naruto, eyes gleaming obsidian in the white light. Sasuke smiled smugly at Naruto's wide eyes. He leaned closer to pat Naruto's head. “Some people don’t,” he whispered softly.

It took Naruto some time to completely register what Sasuke had said. “W-wait, what are you trying to say?’

Sakura talked right over him. “So you don’t think Sensei’s exterior matches his aura?”

Sasuke scoffed and drew away from Naruto. “No, Kakashi-sensei is really hot. He's definitely a 10. I just want proof.” 

“A 10?" Naruto scratched his head, trying to see what his friends saw. "I don't really get the mysterious appeal. I was thinking maybe a 7.”

“Naruto! He’s at least an 8.5!”

"Wait, are we talking everyday Kakashi Or Sharingan Kakashi because there's a difference."

Sasuke waved his hands. “Look, my reasoning is- “

“Sasuke!” A deep voice rang from across the clearing and the classmates jumped. “I promise you, the longer you three stay on this topic, the more awkward tomorrow’s training is going to be.”

The Genin sat in their sleeping bags, stunned.

“Oh my god.” Sasuke croaked and put his head in his hands. “Oh my god.”

“Do you think he heard everything we said?”

“Yes.” Kakashi now sounded like he was right outside and they yelped. “Just go to sleep, all of you. If I hear anything else about this mask tonight, this whole tent is getting picked up like a trash bag and hurled over a fucking cliff.”

There was silence, and then: “Kakashi-sensei, does that mean we’re the trash?”

“Yes, Naruto. That means you’re the trash.”

Quiet fell over the clearing again. The flashlight was still on in Naruto’s hand.

“Sasuke, are you okay?” Sakura whispered, putting her hand on his lifeless shoulder.

“He probably realized Sensei heard Sasuke say he was h-“

Sasuke clapped a hand over Naruto’s mouth. “Shut up, shut up!” he hissed. “We’re the trash, remember?”

Naruto shook him off. "Come on, you don't really think he'd hurt us."

"Personally? I'd hurt us," said Sasuke. "I'd hurt us a lot."

The three sat in the cool air as Naruto finally turned off the lights. They could barely make each other out, but as the seconds ticked by and the silence had returned, their next move was clear.

“So?” Sakura whispered, voice barely louder than the wind.

Naruto crossed his arms. “We’ve got to.”

Sasuke grunted agreement.

They were going to figure out what is under that mask.

**Author's Note:**

> tbc?? maybe??


End file.
